Helplessness against broken nature…

Vet student in surgery

The definition of inoperable changed for me today, I’ve always understood sometimes there will be challenging surgery, and sometimes most will not do anything as there was nothing developed yet. However I never believed that there would be anything that is impossible to operate on.

With every single patient I am prepared to give everything that I have got to try and do everything possible. So today was no different, I spent 45 minutes removing 3 litres of fluid from the abdomen by syringe. And then it was time to go to surgery which I had spent several hours preparing for in study to make sure I was on my game to assist with the surgery today.

It all went wrong trying to open the abdomen, first we thought the scissors were bad, but then we realised it was the tissue that surrounds the linea alba on the abdomen that was 10cm thick and hard. We found a way in though going around this – and this was where it all fell apart.

The only way I can think to describe it is like when frozen food melts on the way home and then when it is refrozen everything becomes one totally mixed up. Even the bladder was not visible and “melted” into the body wall… The doctor I was with had never seen anything like it, and I really hope that I never ever get to see anything like it again…

The most horrible feeling in the world is that of helplessness… And that is where I am right now.

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